Time Gems
by hcshannonart
Summary: AU/Parody. Thought of this while watching Time Bandits the other day and this came out
1. Steven meets the Gems

I came up with this while watching "Time Bandits", the other day and decided to write a parody/fanmake of it with the Steven Universe characters. It's AU and everybody kind of acts OOC, so be warned! All my apologies to everyone 'specally Terry Gilliam and Rebecca Sugar!

* * *

Steven Universe sighed as he looked at his book, he liked to read, but his parents, Greg and Rose did not.

They liked to watch TV and buy stuff. He hated it!

Sometimes he wished he could be a kid who was different from everybody else. Like, he sometimes wondered what his life would be like if his mother was alien from a race based on gemstones and he had all kinds of neat powers or something. But, he knew it couldn't be possible he was boring and normal and his parents didn't care about him.

He went to his room and got ready for bed, he looked around the room, then he heard a noise coming from his closet!

"Who's there?" he said, picking up his flashlight! "You better come out or you're going to be in trouble!"

The room began to shake as a large creature burst through his closet door! It was a pink lion! It was definitely a lion, but it was pink and seemed to be a bit larger than most lions! The lion let out a great big roar and jumped over his bed and ran into a forest! Where did that come from, he couldn't be imagining things or could he!

Just as all of this happened the forest and the lion faded away! Steven's father Greg came up, "Steven Quartz Universe!" shouted his father, "What's all the racket up there?"

He knew his father wouldn't believe him if he told him!

"Uh, this pink lion came into my room and my room turned into a forest and..."

"That's enough out of you!" said Greg, "Don't you know how important the 'Lil Butler' reunion special is, no more of your crazy stories, go back to bed!" Greg turned off the light and closed the door. Steven laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. There was something going on.

Next Night

Steven was convinced there was something going on!

"There's nothing going on!" said his mother "A pink lion who'd think of something that preposterous. There are no such things as pink lions"

His mother looked like a normal woman, but sometimes he thought his mother was hiding something from him. Was he not imagining things? Deep down he was pretty sure, his mother was really an alien from a race of gemstone beings, who had fallen in love with his father, and sacrificed her powers to live as a human! He didn't bother to ask because he knew they'd call him crazy. Maybe he was imagining things, but part of him knew he saw a pink lion, so as his parents settled into their nightly TV viewing. Steven found his father's smart phone and stuck it under his shirt, he tiptoed passed his parents, who were watching TV and talking!

"Could you believe that kid of ours, that Stefan!" said Greg

"I thought his name was Steven?" said his wife

"Does it really matter?" Greg said

"We have to tell him the truth!" Rose said, "We have to stop lying to him and keeping secrets"

"Don't worry, he'll be fine!" said Steven's father, who didn't even notice his son sneaking past him with his phone!

Once he got to his room, Steven sat on his bed, with the phone's camera app open, focusing it on the closet door. This'll prove there's something going on, he thought, he heard the rumbling again. It was happening! The closet door opened and it's was not a lion, but rather 5 strangely dressed people of various sizes shapes and colors!

"Somebody's found us!" the green one said!

"This isn't good!" said the blue one!

"Come on you guys, it's just a kid!" said the tall one with the 'fro!

"That's a relief!" said the purple one.

They strange looking beings looked at him!

"What do you know?" they all said seemingly in unison!

They began to bombard the boy with questions!

"Do you know the Supreme diamond?" "What have you done to Rose Quartz?" "Why aren't you telling us anything?"

Then the skinny, pale one spoke up

"He's just a child, you're scaring him!"

Steven looked nervously at the unusual looking people in his room and began to say something…

"M-My name is Steven Quartz Universe, I live uh..here with my mom and dad, their names are Rose and Greg, but...but you can't see them, because I'll get in trouble and they don't like it when anyone interrupts their TV watching, please don't hurt me!"

"Well, it's better than nothing!" said the purple one as the creatures grabbed him and began to carry him off! Steven grabbed his cheeseburger shaped backpack from the floor and stuck his father's phone in it and prayed that he didn't lose the smart phone.

The wall in his room was revealed to be a tunnel! How come he never noticed that before? It was a portal, as Steven and the other pushed the wall, the room got longer and longer. As they were pushing, a strange figure appeared "Return what you have stolen from me!" it snarled causing the party to run faster, through the void!

When they finally stopped running, they fell and landed on the ground! Steven looked confused as his six companions stared at him in very strange surroundings!

"Hey, where are we and who are you?"

The tall one with the fro' spoke first "I am Garnet and these are the Crystal Gems!", one by one they introduced themselves to him, the blue one was Lapis; the purple one was Amethyst; the green one was Peridot, and the skinny, light skinned one was Pearl.

"Why did you take me?" said Steven

"We were trying to find your mother." said Pearl, "but we ended up with you" added Amethyst

"Did you know?" Garnet continued "Your mother, she was one of us, many years ago!"

They explained to him how the Supreme Diamond had power over of time and space and that they kind of stolen a staff that allowed them to travel through time from the Supreme Diamond and wanted to find Rose Quartz and have one last grand adventure with her, for old time sake.

"but you took me instead?" Steven asked.

"Didn't you tell us not to bother your parents?" added Amethyst,

Peridot poked Steven "by the way, any idea where we are?"

Steven shrugged "I have no idea, maybe there's somebody who can tell us"

Lapis grew wings from her back and flew up to find a safe place.

"I don't know!" she said, "there seems to have been a great battle here, but maybe there is somebody who knows where we are!"

The blue gem began to fly toward the walled city with the 5 others trailing behind.

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A/N: It's not going to follow the movie 100%, I might add some different characters and ideas to make it easier for me to write, so stay tuned!


	2. Napoleon

**Italy, 1796**

As Steven and his new friends followed the flying Lapis along the riverbank to the fortress. Steven continued to ask questions "So you have special powers?"

"Of course!" said Amethyst.

"If my mother was one of you, do I have special powers, too"

"You would have to, " said Pearl. Steven looked around. He saw carnage, destruction, even people on fire and fleeing in terror as they entered the city,

"What happened here?" Steven said looking around "Is there anybody here?"

They continued to follow Lapis and began to hear noises. They saw soldiers celebrating and in the middle of them, there was a tiny man in a military uniform. Steven recognized him!

"It's Napoleon!" said Steven getting excited before the Gems grabbed and gagged him!

"Hey!" he shouted struggling to get out of their grip "What are you doing?"

"You want them to hear us?" said Pearl

"But it's..." the Gems shushed Steven again!

Lapis looked at the man, "Who is he?"

"That's Napoleon! I read about him in a book!"

Peridot broke in "So you know him?"

"No, I know of him, but I haven't met him face to face! He took over France turned it int an empire, that was after the French Revolution!"

Peridot was curious and interested "What was that?"

"That's when they got rid of the King and Queen and chopped off their heads with this thing called a guillotine. That they made to chop off people's heads and… Hey, where's she going?"

Peridot ran toward Napoleon

"Peridot!" The other Gems shouted, but it was too late.

Steven ran after Peridot, but they caught the attention of Napoleon! Oh no, thought Steven, now he was in trouble!

"Peridot, come back," said Steven. Napoleon saw the small boy and the green woman and it startled him.

"Who are you?" he said

"Uh, General Bonaparte?"

"Please call me Napoleon!"

"Uh...my name's Steven!"

"Who is your lovely green friend?" said Napoleon noticing Peridot.

"That's Peridot!"

Napoleon smiled "Oh...like the beautiful green gem! Did you know it's my birthstone? I gave one to Josephine, uh...she's my wife!"

After convinced that it was safe the other gems made their presence known to the future Emperor!

"These are my..uh other friends, uh...Lapis, Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet, and! They're warriors from a race of gemstones!"

Napoleon's eyes lit up "A race of gemstones who are warriors, you say?" The flabbergasted Gems looked at Steven!

The Frenchman, who was only a little taller than Steven ran up to The Gems and shook their hands.

"You are great warriors, you say?" Napoleon asked. "I'm stuck with this army of incompetent fools! If it wasn't for my brilliant leadership in these last few months. That the Italians and Austrians could have defeated the great French army. Would you like to join my army? Together we could be unstoppable!"

He kissed Peridot's hand "Don't you agree, mon cher ami?", she looked confused.

 **Later that night...**

"I would like to propose a toast!" Napoleon shouted standing at the head of a large table. "To my wonderful new generals who are going to help me conquer Europe."

At the other end of the very long table sat Steven wearing a uniform that looked a lot of like Napoleon's. The Gems dressed in Directoire period gowns applauded with little enthusiasm

Garnet tapped Steven's shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Steven stood up and made an announcement,

"Commandant général Bonaparte!" he said, "Yes!" responded Napoleon, "Can the other Generals and I excuse ourselves for a moment?"

Steven and the Gems walked into another room in the captured fortress. The Gems looked at him and began to explain.

"Do you have any idea of what you're doing?" snapped Pearl! "We can't help that guy conquer the world, you know why he wants us, not for our powers, did you see his fingers?" Steven remembered Napoleon had some rings on his fingers. "Yeah, some guys like jewelry what's wrong with that? He said he might give some to Josephine." "Did you forget what we are?" Garnet asked. Steven became mortified. The feeling was like what a cow would have if it worked as a top executive for a multinational fast food company! Peridot looked and found something in the room and began to stuff her gown with it.

She said to the other Gems "Wow, you didn't tell me this clod was loaded!". Peridot had found some of the treasure that Napoleon and his men had looted from the Italians.

Napoleon overheard this, "What are you talking about?"

The other Gems tried to make something up, Pearl hesitated. "um...nothing General Bonaparte we were talking about what a wonderful leader you are!" A string of pearls fell out of Peridot's gown. Pearl became horrified and fainted! Amethyst ran the pearls across her teeth and then turned to her companions, "It's worse than I thought!"

A confused Napoleon asked "why did the Mademoiselle faint? What are you doing with those pearls, are you stealing them?"

"We can explain everything!" said Steven, we didn't mean to!

Napoleon walked outside to his French soldiers. "Okay, you're hired, again, you know those new generals that I hired? they're traitors! Saisissez-les! Maintenant!"

Steven and the gems started to run, even Pearl who regained consciousness fast enough to join the run.

"We have to find the next portal," Lapis said grabbing the Time staff, which caused the Time Door to open. "Let's make a run for it!" said Amethyst!

Steven and the Gems ran to the time door. That disappeared leaving Napoleon and his men behind and confused!


End file.
